The art of dying

Riding back with a stranger from a 10-day meditation retreat, we found ourselves in deep conversation about death and dying. It seems after 10 days of silence, 10 hours a day of meditation, no reading, no writing, and no eye-contact, small-talk eluded us.

She’d recently experienced the death of both parents. Had been by their sides during their final breaths. Both leaving the world very differently – her mother with grace and ease; her father with angst and much unsaid and undone.

But it was her brother’s death that weighed heavily on her heart.

He’d been a young writer and to everyone’s surprise, wrote an unlikely book that became a bestseller. Due to unfortunate business decisions, including one to write under a pen name, he never received the recognition or monetary royalties he felt he deserved. He became angry and bitter. Shortly afterwards he contracted AIDS, and as the current drug therapies hadn’t yet been developed, he began a painful death.

She had gone to visit him in the hospital during his last days. Weak and in agony, he damned his maker before everyone who entered the room. Though she could not bear to be with his anger during his last moments, she knew he bore the same intensity of hatred on his lips during his last breaths. This horrified her and she continued to carry this memory with her.

Having looked at how each of the three closest people in her life had handled death and dying, she concluded that the way one lives is reflected in how they die. That our entire life experience is preparation for our death. She referred to the collective life experience as the Art of Dying.

Our culture is obsessed by youth, so talking about death and dying is far from sexy. However, a surprising number of people who have returned from a life-threatening illness or incident, though traumatic, are thankful for their new-found clarity and appreciation for life that few other events do.

Many traditions ask us to regularly consider our death as a means of connecting with values and accessing our inner wisdom. You can do this through a meditation designed to open yourself to your own inner guru.

Sit comfortably.

Connect with your breath – the ever-present inhale and exhale as an example of the circle of life.

Take a moment to look at your past and think of all those who you’ve lost.

Contemplating – I too will pass.

See yourself in the future, as an elder.

What guidance would you give to yourself at this stage of your life?

Spend some time thinking about this and document the jewels of wisdom.