Enjoy your flight

It seems like too many people are trying to hold an overwhelming number of things together – work, family, friends, with illnesses and bills to pay – like juggling balls up in the air, afraid to let any of them fall. Maybe it’s always been like that, maybe we’ve always taken on more than we can handle well.

Supporting others without adequate self-care takes a toll. We caregivers (can’t we all be called this?) need regular nurturing, support, and retreat time to just be. We need to regularly take off our outer armor and “let the soft animal of your body love what it loves”.* Maybe through music, walks in nature, Yoga, meditation, fishing, gardening, painting, others.

We are not machines, and yet we often hold ourselves up to the same standards, thinking we have enough bandwidth to multitask, to keep all these apps running at the same time. But we don’t. And even machines don’t run forever.

For us, stress shows up as issues with sleep, digestion, illness, emotional roller coasters, etc.

I use to think illness was a welcome excuse to take a break. Perhaps I felt I shouldn’t rest otherwise. I don’t know how or why I adopted that belief system, but I now see it in others too. Those of us that think we must do everything pay the price with our own well-being.

What would happen if we let some of the balls drop?

Who knows, maybe if we let a few responsibilities go, they might resolve themselves, or give permission to let someone else step up. Reminds me of the life-saving advice offered on each flight – please place the air mask on yourself first before trying to help anyone else.

And, enjoy your flight.

* Mary Oliver,

Wild Geese

For the first time in four years, I am no longer teaching a twice weekly early morning meditation class. It began as a request from a student who wanted to start a regular practice. She brought her husband. And then another woman joined us. And often my husband, too. Over the years others would accompany us for a month or more, but there was always the core group of five.

I taught the class because I know the power of meditation to positively affect one’s life in subtle and significant ways. Teaching it required me to stretch my knowledge and experience with meditation, and to maintain my own regular practice. Desiring to be a good teacher made me a better student and person. Like with all habits, meditation molded me in all the ways I needed. I heard from the others as well that they felt more calm, that they noticed how people around them seemed more frantic, that their pets were more relaxed, that they felt centered, took more things in stride and that they even lost their keys less often.

For inspiration, we watched videos of some of the current great meditation teachers: Jon Kabat-Zinn, Sharon Salzberg (there are so many to choose from) and some who’ve now passed on. We read excerpts of ancient texts from the East on meditation. Current best sellers from the West. Pulled in quotes from Christian theologians. Brought in research on all the physical and mental benefits for motivation. In preparation for teaching meditation, I absorbed everything I could and fervently practiced many styles. It started out as a an experiment and ended as an experience. I changed.

We know from neuroscience that the brain has neuroplasticity – it’s resilient and changes easily. Our thoughts, words, actions change how our brains are wired, changing us, moment by moment. This became clear for us over the last few years as  our meditation practice changed how we all better related to life’s stresses.

When the lives and schedules of the core group changed and the class ended, I reflected on change.

There was a time when I felt more comfortable with change, than not. A regular schedule felt restricting and stifling. Over time, the pendulum swung and I appreciated stability and it’s gift to conserve energy that constant change neglects.

The pendulum has swung again, and for now towards balance. I see that stability builds energy and depth while change creates interest and growth. Both equally important and nourishing for the full human experience.

Funny bone 1, Silence 1

I have a unique Chair Yoga class that we’ll just label ‘chatty’. It started with a few seniors and has grown to over a dozen. When I say chatty, you may not get the whole picture. I mean, within the circle that we sit, there may be 3 conversations going at the same time. Other times, all are weighing in on the latest political gaffe, winners in last night’s basketball game, or favorite restaurants for our next lunch outing. Or the self-described ‘assistant’ Yoga teacher providing occasional inspiration by calling out “Good everyone” (mimicking me), while others provide cue-ing to a student who hasn’t quite ‘gotten’ into the pose. All done in good humor.

Ok, I guess some would actually call this class loud. Either way, it’s definitely not like any Yoga class I’ve taught.

Over time I’ve accepted this, with a compromise – that they can chat the first 20 minutes if they keep the last 40 minutes silent, which they do.

There have been many times I questioned the usefulness of the chitchatting. I talked to them about the benefits of silence and mindfulness. Showed them videos of Jon Kabat-Zinn talking about mindfulness. Brought in recent research about mindfulness and meditation. And still they chatted.

Sure, I could have laid down the law as this was not normal Yoga etiquette and I am someone who loves to teach without so much as even music in the background. But the group kept growing and making each other (and myself) laugh, and there’s a lot to be said for that.

I don’t plan to make a habit of offering this type of Yoga ambiance  but it seems to fit for them. I read this week about Jesuit Priest Greg Boyle working with gang members and he said something that seemed to fit for our Chair Yoga group (not that there are any other similarities). He said that his work was not about helping others, but about “our common calling to delight in one another.” Clearly this is what is happening in the Chair Yoga group on a very verbal level.

So, should you be interested in taking my Chair Yoga classes with the City of Raleigh, you’ve been forewarned. You may not find inner peace, but your funny bone may be tickled until it slips out onto the floor.

Namaste

Begin again

How many times have I decided to start a new habit or hobby designed to make my life easier, more fun or creative, or to meet some goals – only to fall off the wagon a short time later.

How many times must our dog bark at the same mailman?

Recently, I’ve had grandiose plans of eliminating sugar completely, practicing the flute regularly, and blogging weekly. But then some distraction occupies my attention and I’m off my planned trajectory. I end up partially meeting a few of the goals, others fully for an extended period of time, and still others not at all.

You know what I’m talking about.

I am reminded of the saying – it’s not how much you fall down, but how many times that you get back up that counts. Dust off your dreams and start again.

Begin again.

This is one of the skills we learn in Yoga. While mindfully moving or sitting on the mat, each time our mind wanders and we choose to let go of distracting thoughts and return to what we’re doing RIGHT NOW, we begin again. And again. And again.

It’s not about how many times our mind wanders, but that in the moment we know we’ve become distracted, it’s in the choosing to return to what we’re doing NOW that’s essential.

As we practice this skill in Yoga, we learn to more easily let go of the irritating incident at work, the argument with our spouse, the oblivious driver in the lane beside us, or the inconsiderate telemarketer, and return back to life RIGHT NOW.

We return to be more present in the moment, to our life, instead of letting distractions pour into rumination.

Have you ever seen how much a cow can chew on one bite of grass?

So, it’s not how often our minds wander, it’s that we choose to return to our life right now, and in there is something powerful and what matters.

Begin again.

Yoga Companion

written by a friend and local poet, Bruce Lader. Published in his book Embrace (www.brucelader.com)

She waits hours in a cloak of night,
waits for my aging bones
to slowly slouch on the carpet,

stretch the way she does,
arch drowsiness out of spine
the way a tiger leans, prepares to stalk.

As I become a cobra, hood raising,
lowering, she slips under the bridge,
rolls on her back, displays chest

and belly white as blackberry flowers.
When I try to bend the kinks
out of knees, nearly touch toes

she licks a hand, taps a white paw
against my shin as I flex stiff shoulders,
swivel from hip, loosen leg joints.

She knows I know what she wants
more than anything besides canned food
and sleep. If I were her size

and she mine, would she devour
or look after me, still stare with those
mustard eyes persistent about a belly-rub?

An Inside Job

During meditation class as we sat quietly watching our breath, my mind wandered to a different meditation that I could add into our practice that morning, to shake things up a bit. In case people were getting bored. Or antsy. Or worse. As you can imagine, sitting and watching your breath for a few minutes, let alone 20, can bring up a whole host of interesting thoughts and emotions.

But then I was reminded that this practice that requires us to be still, quiet and be with what arises and then let it go necessitates commitment fueled by a strong will. And the more that we exercise our will, the stronger it becomes.

It’s not that shaking things up isn’t a valid tool in a meditation class, mind you. However, offering the opportunity for students and myself to utilize our stick-to-itness, when things aren’t always easy, or become boring, strengthens the mindset required to continue the practice and ultimately be rewarded with all it’s many benefits.

In fact, strong determination is needed when embarking on almost anything new that disrupts one’s routine, takes us out of our comfort zone, and requires effort.

Take a Yoga practice, for instance. Certainly a strong will is needed to clear an already-full calendar and start the new habit. And it is needed again and again to continue the practice when so many other responsibilities and opportunities – like work, hanging out with friends, watching TV, doing bills, cooking, cleaning the house, etc. – present themselves.

Any new habit that you embark on which requires effort – whether it’s adopting a healthy diet or adding a exercise routine – needs a level of strong will to both get started and sustain.

So, what creates optimum conditions for a commitment to make long-lasting and permanent change?

Rock bottom

For some of us, it doesn’t happen until we get sick and tired of being sick and tired. A student recently told me of a major episode of back pain he had a few years ago. It got so bad that he was considering surgery. A friend of his, who is also a M.D., recommended Yoga and so he tried it and he felt so good that he became a dedicated student. After a time, when his memory of back pain was long gone, his practice began to backslide until he was no longer doing Yoga. He got out of the routine and felt he didn’t have time for Yoga any more. His back pain returned. When the pain increased to unbearable levels, he finally recommitted to Yoga.

This is a familiar route for many of us. We don’t make a serious commitment to a lifestyle change when things are good – we wait until we’ve reached rock bottom.

Indirectly

For others, our commitment to adopting a healthy lifestyle change has been fueled by seeing the lives of our friends, relatives or those we admire – who have been either great role models of a life well lived or a strong reminder of how unhealthy habits often create unhappy results. Luckily, we’ve been able to see the cause and effect of living life a particular way without having to go through the lessons ourselves. This experience has given us the strong will to adopt and continue a new lifestyle habit.

Experience

Many of us were introduced to a healthy habit that made us feel better, and this feeling, in and of itself, has been a strong motivator to stay committed, even when the healthy habit became inconvenient, boring, or plain work.

***

I was taught that in ancient times when a student wanted to learn Yoga from a Master, the student would have to ask the Master on three different occasions to become their student. As I was told, this was because the practice of Yoga required commitment and only through continued interest would a student exhibit the strong will and determination needed to learn and continue the practice and ultimately reap it’s rewards.

These days there is no weeding out of students to determine who is and is not truly committed. All I had to do was fill out a registration form.

However, it’s worthy of our attention to remind ourselves of why we first sought out Yoga (or changed our eating habits, or adopted another healthy habit) and why we’ve continued. When our schedule gets tight, other fun things come calling, or whatever responsibilities and distractions arise, it’s important to reflect upon our original intention. Afterwards, you’ll be glad you did.

good vibrations

While considering the things that help clear the mind and feel soothing to the soul, I uncovered an underlying theme I’ll call natural rhythms. These are sounds and patterns in nature that occur with regularity. Some of my favorites include ocean waves, birds singing at sunrise, crickets chirping in the heat of summer, the sound of rain, the breath.

There’s something about submerging yourself completely in a natural rhythm that clears the mind of clutter and brings us back into a sense of harmony and balance.

It’s one of the reasons divers love their sport. The sound of their breath audibly heard through the mouthpiece fills their mind-space and spirit with a soothing, meditative feeling.

It’s also why meditators use singing bowls to elicit deeper meditative states. Through a kind of brainwave synchronization, a phenomenon called brain entrainment says that the brain tends to change its frequency towards  that of a dominant external rhythm. It is believed that the sound of some singing bowls vibrate at a similar pattern as deeply relaxed theta brainwaves and thus sync the meditating brain into a similar state.

Even inanimate objects, such as pendulum clocks, that are within close proximity but off-tempo will sync with each other within a short period of time.

To enhance the meditative affect of natural rhythms, instead of just listening, you can actively immerse yourself through your voice (chanting/singing), movement (dance/Yoga), breath (Yoga). This is one of the many reasons that a Yoga class that includes chanting and breath synchronization with movement combine to immerse the practitioner into a deeply calming state.

So when your 24/7 urban environment has you feeling out of sync, perhaps all you need is to “let the soft animal of your body love what it loves”* and reconnect to life’s natural rhythms. Dance to your favorite beat or move with your breath. We are, after all, rhythmic expressions of life.

* Mary Oliver, Wild Geese